opening up

so, let's start at the beginning. no, lets start at the real beginning. so, when i was in the 7th grade i got depressed. and depression runs in my family (and it's a side effect of being a carrier of Fragile X Syndrome...you have google, i'm gonna throw some terms at ya and you can research yourself. you're a teacher, you should be good at that.) so, my depression and anxiety got treated all throughout middle school and high school. in high school, i "flirted" with anorexia and bulimia and i became a cutter. i would say cutter lite. lol. so, anyway, high school comes and goes, college comes, and i get engaged to my high school sweet heart. 6 mos into the engagement, he breaks up with me b/c he says he's "not ok with the fact our children might not be normal." yeah, jackass. so this sends me into a downspiral. i start cutting really bad again, i start abusing my prescription medication, even overdose once (accidentally.). so, turns out i'm bipolar and have borderline personality disorder. now, borderlines are called borderline (here's a history lesson for you) b/c they are considered on the border between sane and insane. there are high functioning borderlines (ie me. also princess diana.) and low functioning borderlines (can't hold a job, etc.) the girls ranch you may have heard me mention before is a residential treatment facility for girls with psychiatric problems, like borderline, schizo, bipolar, anorexia, depression, the works. i was a client there for 10mos. after i graduated the program, they liked me so much and thought i did so well they offered me their first ever internship. i promised to work there 6mos. and i did. until they started treating me like a client again. so when my 6mos was up, i hit the door running. they did a good job of teaching me to put on a smiley face and not let the world see my pain. for which i am grateful. helps with the everyday functioning. however, they never addressed any of my deeper issues, so i'm still all screwed up. i tell people i AM a cutter because it's like alcoholism, once you're an alcoholic, you're always an alcoholic. i fight against the urge to cut every single day. and i don't always win. so when i learned about TWLOHA i thought it was the perfect non-profit for me to support. they do so much good. so i got "love" tattooed on the arm that i cut on, so when i do have the urge, i have a physical reminder that i shouldn't cut. so. that's my story. that's not why i'm in the psychology field. i'm in the psychology field b/c of the Fragile X Syndrome thing. i want to go into developmental psychology. that's what i want my PhD in. if you have any questions, feel free to ask (via fb or in the truck on the way to pick up my boxes, lol) b/c i'm a very honest person and will be more than happy to answer questions to help you understand. for the general audience i usually leave out most of that and say i interned at a girls ranch (truth) and if they've earned it that i'm bipolar (also truth). among these gems, i'm also ADHD and have panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. my maternal grandmother is a paranoid schizophrenic so i'm constantly worried that all my crazy will develop into that. Kevin made a funny comment the other day, that i'm not crazier than other people, i just have more credentials. which is totally true. so, there's the connection for you. and probably more than you wanted to know. but there it is anyway. i hope after reading this and any research you may do (wikipedia is awesome SOMETIMES) that you still want to be my friend. it's ok, i always take that gamble when i open up. i'm prepared for it.