"an unkindness of ravens"

i experienced an unkindness of ravens today. ok, maybe not a whole flock, or "unkindness" as they are really called-people, watch OTH!!!-but at least on two occassions i thought for sure i was about to be attacked on the way to Cama-i. and, i learned that they will drive you mad on the tundra if you interrupt their feeding. they'll taunt a man until he's so dizzy he falls over. AND i learned that they speak Yupik! if you tell them, in Yupik, to do a flip, they WILL! how crazy is that?!

all in all it was a good day. but long and stressful! Cama-i was fun, but again, long and stressful! and i realized tonight that the people i most spend my time with are a bunch of teenage boys that i can't tell anything to! talk about lack of friends. i realized this as i was hanging out with my yupik, and saw myself as a younger more immature me leading a guy along b/c i'm too insecure to be by myself. gah, how long have i been alone and now all of the sudden b/c i have the attentions of a man i can't do without? i SEE where this is going and it's not good. i just keep putting off the conversation that i WANT to have b/c it MAY mean ending all the perks of the relationship (i mean the hanging out. people, get your mind out of the gutter!). i've already rehearsed the conversation. if i can just keep control during it, it'll all turn out ok. we can still be friends. he may feel guilty enough to even give me a few more rides to work. but lets face it, i won't be getting those for much longer afterwards. listen to me! i am a poor excuse for a human being. once a user, always a user (not drugs people! pay attention!). i need to change! but i keep saying to myself, what for? what's the use? it's not like you've got something or someone to move on to. me