his love

i wonder if he's better with her than he was with me. he was emotionally abusive. he never followed through. he made me feel less than i am worth. he didn't have his own goals. he relied on me more than any man should. i never felt good enough for him. he never reassured me. he barely noticed me. when i was sad, he never noticed. when i had a wonderful day and was looking for someone to share it with, he never noticed. i'm better off without him. then why do i miss him so much? why do i feel incomplete without him? why do i still love him? i thought he was the apostle paul....he was a doubting thomas, he was a judas. (if you know aaron stern, you know what i mean by looking for the apostle paul) i feel like i have no value, he never told me otherwise. no one has. i have value through Christ. why do i feel so alone then?